So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
