Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
