I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
