Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
