I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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