we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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