You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
