i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
