Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
