how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
