I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
