I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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