hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
