it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
