So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
