shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
