Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
