you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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