where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
