Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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