It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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