i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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