she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
