I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
