Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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