There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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