Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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