dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
