I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
