I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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