He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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