she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
