i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
