nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
