Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize