Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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