Do you still have your period?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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