Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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