question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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