I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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