i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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