he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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