We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just threw up on my dentist
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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