ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I love you. Go after that dick
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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