do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
is wine microwaveable?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
