He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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