That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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