Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
