I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she pinky promised me she was 18
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
