this boner is exhausting
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
