watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
