i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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