I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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