I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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