So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
