Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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