it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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