So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
