I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The struggles of a small town man whore
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
