something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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