You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
