Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
